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Archive for December, 2014

I haven’t posted in forever, but I need the outlet. So here goes…

I usually do pretty well about missing my mom. I mean, I do well with accepting that I don’t get to have her around. It’s hard and it sucks, but I do okay. Except when I don’t. And then it hits me like a brick wall.

Today was a brick wall.

It’s almost Christmas. And my son is two, and is really going to be FUN at Christmas this year. And she LOVED kids. I mean, lived for them. They were her life. She was second mother to all my cousins and all their children too. So she would have just been the.most.amazing grandmother. The most amazing. And she loved Christmas. So much. So the combination of him and Christmas would have been such a fantastic thing for her to experience. And it kills me that she never got that opportunity. And I just miss her in general more this time of year because everything is so family-oriented. And I heard a Christmas song on the radio called “Hello Mom and Dad”, and I cried so much. And I thought it would get easier as time went on. But it doesn’t. At all. I actually think it gets harder. Because as time goes on, she’s missing more of the things she would have loved to experience.

So today was a brick wall.

Tonight I have a sooky boy who refused to sleep anywhere other than in my bed, and I’m letting him. I will snuggle that boy so tight and give him so much love from his Nanny that he never got to know.

Because today was a brick wall.

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